Jimmy Fallon: Don't Mess With His Onion

"Waiter at Outback keeps asking if I'm "still working." I still got half a Bloomin' Onion left! #keepyourpantson" -- @jimmyfallon

Hugh Hefner: Insert Creepy Old Man Joke Here ________

"Crystal, Anna & the girls are building Gingerbread Houses tonight & then we're playing games. Fun. Fun. Fun." -- @hughhefner

Ellen Degeneres: Real Estate Section

Too bad. This place looks like a real steal. http://twitpic.com/3dv51y



--@TheEllenShow

Alyssa Milano: Her Hips Have a Tweet of Their Own

You know pocket dialing? I think I just pocket retweeted a tweet. Although, I can't find said retweet.--@AlyssaMilano

Jesse Tyler Ferguson: Smellin' it Like it is

He smells like taco meat. RT @SamTowers: @jessetyler i'm glad you got to meet @darrencriss. is he as cool and totally awesome as he seems? --@jessetaylor

P Diddy: Stairway to "Hell No"

"Just got off that stairmaster- Gotta go back to the treadmill. Im not mastering shit on that thing LOL." -- @iamdiddy

Mariah Carey: Oh I Heard Daddy Say There's No Santa Clause

Nick is being SO bleak trying to whisper to my tummy "there's no santa!" UGH! Please stop him!!! : o --@MariahCarey

Tila Tequila: Makes It Looks So Darn Easy

"I STILL HAVEN'T SMOKED TODAY!! AHHH I BEEN AGGRO ALL DAY!! I WANNA SMOKE SOOO BAD DAMMIT!! BUT I'M QUITTING! OK LETS GO! I CAN DO THIS!" -- @tilatequila

Mariah Carey: All She Wants for Xmas Is an Adult Husband

"Nick is being SO bleak trying to whisper to my tummy "there's no santa!" UGH! Please stop him!!! : o" -- @mariahcarey

Julie Benz: A Little Somethin' for the Dexter Fans

Last night bartender said "I cried when you died on Dexter".. When asked his reaction to @MsJaimeMurray 's death he said he laughed! #suckit --@JulieBenz

Khloe Kardashian: And By Dreams, She Means Dollars

"I wanted to say thank you so much for everyone who has supported us with Kardashian Konfidential! You are making our dreams come true!" -- @khloekardashian

Scott Baio: Visions of Sugar Plums

"Are 3 year olds supposed to live off of cookies & candy the entire month of December?" -- @scottbaio

Andrew WK: Party Recipe

Surprise yourself with new ways of partying - like a vodka and maple fishbowl with Tiger Balm on the rim. --@AndrewWK

John Fugelsang: Me-sa Agree-sa

Palin does for GOP what Jar-Jar Binks did for Episode 1 - distracts the easily amused from a total lack of narrative. --@JohnFugelsang

Joan Rivers: A Plastic Girl, In a Barbie World

Women in LA remind me of divorced Barbie dolls-blonde, empty headed and they come with all of Ken's stuff. --@JoanRivers

Julie Benz: Cute Overload

To make up for my #tweetfail here's a pic that will make even the most sour of tweeps say "awwww"!

--@juliebenz

Nicole Richie: Hair So Oily, It Shines

"Doing @TheEllenShow today, so I washed my hair. It's a rare occasion, I hope she appreciates it." -- @nicolerichie

Joan Rivers: Logic Always Wins

"Back in LA and @melrivers and I are arguing. Today she said to me, “You never ever agree with me.” I said, “If I did, we’d both be wrong.”" -- @joan_rivers

Michael Ian Black: Celebrity Twitter Fight Fail

"NASA has found arsenic-based life form. This explains Perez Hilton." -- @michaelianblack

"A little arsenic every day does the body good! :-) RT @michaelianblack NASA has found arsenic-based life form. This explains Perez Hilton." -- @perezhilton

Looks like Perez is taking the high road on this one :O)

Sandra Bernhard: Back to Reality (TV)

"i am talking back to the girls on teenage moms you know that means i have lost my mind" -- @sandrabernhard

Jenny McCarthy: Damn Those Disney Princesses

"I saw the movie Tangled. I cried. Not because of the story line. I cried because I'll never have healthy hair like hers." -- @jennymccarthy

World AIDS Day on Twitter

Kelly Osbourne: up early getting ready to go work in the kitchen of project angel food!!!! its world AIDS day today what are you doing to raise awareness?

Good question Kelly! To support World AIDS Day, celebs are virtually pushing up daisies for buylife.org. Until enough money is raised to buy their A-list lives back, they will forgo all social networking. Here are some favorite 'dead' photos (who else is suspicious that Tyra Banks was behind these photo shoots?!):








Ryan Seacrest






Elijah Wood





Alicia Keys




Lady Gaga




Serena Williams




Kim Kardashian

Questlove: How About Some Wiki Cliffs Notes?

"i need "Wikileaks" for dummies. too much info." -- @questlove