Joan Rivers: Too Soon?

Everyone is talking about bed bugs, but they're not new. Blood sucking parasites in your bed used to be called Anna Nicole Smith. --@JoanRivers

Kirstie Alley: Bites Back at Letterman

Don't worry about Dave Letterman making snide remarks about me, my sweet fans...He's just grumpy since he had to quit banging his interns --@kirstiealley

Justin Bieber: Has the Toughest Shadow Ever

I think I just saw CHUCK NORRIS...wait...no...it was just my shadow --@justinbieber

Danny DeVito: Daylight Savings Tales

Tonight we turn the clocks" I remember my mother used to say this, and my little nephew used to think they actually had to turn the clocks --@Danny_DeVito

Ellen Degeneres: Downside of Dogsitters

Rufus made a great babysitter, if you don't mind a little drool in your ear. http://twitpic.com/346chr



--@TheEllenShow

Ice T: And His Tribe Called Twitter

Twitter is dope.. It's like having 60 thousand homies.. Somebody's always gonna have the hook up. #FLTG --@FINALLEVEL

Kevin Nealon: Literal Naming?

I wonder if any horses actually get pregnant at The Breeders Cup? --@KevinNealon

Michael Ian Black: He's a Big Kid Now

I am an adult and I am going to have ice cream for lunch. --@MichaelIanBlack

Mindy Kaling: Mormon Chic

I thought the shirt I wore to work was so fashiony and cool and coworkers asked if I was auditioning for Big Love


--@MindyKaling

Snoop Dogg: Where You At Dominos?

Wherr dem wingz at? --@SnoopDogg

Stephen Weber: Informational Packets

AP: House Republicans to release pamphlets on "On Dealing With The Gay" and "Recognizing the Illegal". --@TheStevenWeber

Johnny Weir: A Night in the Life

Bedtime. Rechoreographing Poker Face for SWTS in the morning. Night all! --@JohhnyWier

Kayne West: Being Illegal is Nonsensicalness

Never do coke with an intern ... they may not be 21 LOL

I know that last tweet made no since hahaaa

--@kaynewest

Conan O'Brien: White As He Wants To Be, Until God Steps In

Extremely hot in L.A. today. Just more proof of God’s plan to wipe out the California Irish. --@ConanOBrien

Kelly Osbourne: Didn't Wear it Best

it really is a diss in Hwood to wear a dress someone else has already worn because then you get compared it sucks AND i never win lol!! --@MissKellyO

Eugene Mirman: Congratulations, Winner?

I am not sure Rand Paul fully grasps how many tedious meetings he is about to have to attend. --@EugeneMirman

Pat Kiernan: If You REALLY Love Dogs, Pat's Got a Place for You

Alabama sex laws don’t cover bestiality. I know bc I read this: “Man Accused of Sex With Miniature Horse” http://pape.rs/HorseS --@PatKiernan

Steve Martin: Space Saver

My appearance on Letterman show will now be this Friday, not Thursday, FYI (I abbreviated “for your information” to save space.). --@SteveMartinToGo

Tyra Banks: Is She Being Sarcastic or Truthful?

Did YOU vote yesterday!? I sure did. It's SO important to me. --@TyraBanks

Thomas Lennon: Multitasking

Yes. There was a typo in my last Tweet. But I was tweeting, landing a Cessna, and masturbating simultaneously, so cut me some slack. --@ThomasLennon

Jenny McCarthy: Is She Talking About Her Face or the Foils?

Has anyone ever tried this on pubes? http://plixi.com/p/54794206



--@JennyMcCarthy

Scott Baio: It's Her Party, And She'll Puke If She Wants To....

"My birthday girl woke up early puking. I thought this happened on the 21st not the 3rd bday. Poor BB." -- @scottbaio

India Arie: Leather Pants Not Required

"Joni mitchell is my guitar hero." -- @indiaarie

Celebrities Vote - And So Should You!

Bill Cosby: "Definition of a person not voting today: a-pathetic person" -- @billcosby

Christina Applegate: "Have you voted today? Do it!!!" -- @1capplegate

Levar Burton: "Have you...? http://twitpic.com/33aipr" -- @levarburton



Alyssa Milano: "If you don't exercise your right to vote, you're a douche." -- @alyssa_milano

Mindy Kaling: "Every voting day, I think: "Hey, I love the Freda Mohr Senior Center, I gotta come here more often!" And I never do." -- @mindykaling

Lisa Rinna: "ON MY WAY TO VOTE!" -- @lisarinna

Rainn Wilson: "If you don't vote you're a dick." -- @rainnwilson

Sandra Bernhard: "hang tough no matter what the outcome we always have each other! vote but don't bend." -- @sandrabernhard

George Lopez: "Everybody knows latino's love "Free Stickersl .. Go get one ! http://plixi.com/p/54562520" -- @georgelopez

Ben Stiller: "If you are in America, Vote!" -- @redhourben

Jessica Alba: "I filled out my absentee ballot -wish I got the "I voted" sticker. Post pix of yours so I can live vicariously through u #govote" -- @jessicaalba

Common: "I refuse to go back to the days when credit card companies could jack up your rates without reason. #VoteToday..." -- @common

Meghan McCain: "Voting is sexy! Get out and exercise your rights today!" -- @mccainbloggette

LeBron James: "Get Out and Vote today!! Let your voice be heard y'all!!" -- @kingjames

Holly Robinson Peete: Partied Like It Was 1999

"1 more "Holly formerly known as Prince" shot ...Hubby a lil creeped out by this one... ROFL!!! *prince squeal* http://twitpic.com/331olk" -- @hollyrpeete

Britney Spears: Ruined a Real Learning Moment With That Compliment

"Life Is Complete !!! Just Meet @britneyspears In The Studio Yeahhhh Buddyyyy !!!!" -- @djpaulyd

"Awww nice to meet you too @DJPaulyD. Love the hair... -Britney" -- @britneyspears

Snooki: Laughing Her Way to the Bank

"Call me overated or created or too jaded., because anyway you put it bitch I made it YEAA" -- @snooki

Andrew WK: Of Ovaries

"PARTY TIP: Grow a pair." -- @andrewwk

Mariah Carey: Is Finally More Down to Earth

"Nick just brought me home like 20 pairs of FLATS on his eternal quest to convert me..! Lol http://twitpic.com/333t5o" -- @mariahcarey

John Cusak: Not Feeling Opinionated Today

"no opinion-- that my opinion RT @MinouChatte: what is your opinion on opinions?" -- @johncusak

Jim Carrey: Deep Tweets With Jim Carrey

"Being in pain is not the hardest thing in life. The hardest thing in life is trying to hide it! ;^\ http://yfrog.com/0cq15cj" -- @jimcarrey