Kayne West: It's All Telegraphs All the Time

I don't own a cell phone... No seriously, I don't own a cell phone! --@KayneWest

Mindy Kaling: The Truth Behind Standing the Test of Time

Ryan O'Neal and Tommy Lee Jones' 3rd Harvard roommate in Love Story #ruddpact --@mindykaling

Yoko Ono: We Hope She Never Stops Taking Shrooms

"Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the East to the West. Drink a liter of water." -- @yokoono

Lily Allen: But I'll Tweet Anyway...

"Nothing to share" -- @lilyroseallen

Scott Baio: Wants a Hair Style Named After Him

"Someone tell @JustinBieber I had the comb forward bowl hair style LONG before him! http://twitpic.com/2bgk1d" -- @realscottbaio

Questlove: Won't Be Checking In

"i will NOT join foursquare. i will NOT join foursquare. after Twitter i am DONE! ugh why are they doing this to me!!! #noFOURsquare!!!!!!" -- @questlove

Billy Corgan: Rock Is Officially Geriatric

"The band that gets foot massages together stays together" -- @billy

Rainn Wilson: Is She Even of Age?!

"Apparently Snooki was arrested for public intoxication. I had no idea she drank!" -- @rainnwilson

Alyssa Milano: If Only Twitter Had a Like Button

"*Sigh* Oh, how I love @rainnwilson and his new profile picture." -- @alyssa_milano

And here it is:

Paula Abdul: Don't Soil Her Happy Place

"there's enough name-calling, disrespect & unkindness in the world to last a million lifetimes. please don't bring it to my twitter page. xoP" -- @paulaabdul

Conan O'Brien: Wait, So, the Dog was Dreaming?

I refuse to see Inception because I am worried it will confuse me. I had trouble following "Marley and Me." --@ConanOBrien

Roger Ebert: Sex, Drugs, and Preschool

Spencer Pratt: Well, Compared to the Clone Factory...WHAT??

Just visited AREA 51. Frankly, wasn't that impressed.

starting construction on my cloning facility. I will make my own friends.

--@SpencerPratt

Caroline Manzo: Fellow Bravolebrity Tom Colicchico is on Your Lawn?

There is the biggest f***ing bear in the world in my front yard. TERRIFIED --@CarolineManzo

Weekend at Bill's?: Cosby Declares He's Not Dead

Bill Cosby squashed rumors of his death last night on Twitter - but not after panic swept through the interwebs. The Fail Whale is still recovering from shock, and Larry King had him on his show last night to prove someone wasn't pulling a weekend at Bernie's.
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Bill Cosby: "Again, I'm rebuttaling rumors about my demise. But, I'm confirming I have an app - http://bit.ly/BillCosbyApp :)"

"Emotional friends have called about this misinformation. To the people behind the foolishness, I’m not sure you see how upsetting this is." -- @billcosby
--

Jesus: "No, Bill Cosby has not died. I brought him into this world and only I can take him out." -- @jesus_m_christ

Larry King: "@BillCosby will be on tonight to confirm he's not dead! Who starts these rumors?" -- @kingsthings

Holly Robinson Peete: "Mr @billcosby a @sinbadbad supporter/fan 4 mny yrs! He also kept my dad on writing staff of Cosby Show when he had parkinsons #gratitude" -- @hollyrpeete

Questlove: @BillCosby glad you are here. -- @questlove

Hugh Hefner: "Happy to hear the rumors of Bill Cosby's demise are an exaggeration. Cos & I go back a lot of years." -- @hughhefner

Tila Tequila: Meditation or Shrooms?

John Cusak: Cry Him a River

"i noticed that really rich people have romantic longings for " a normal" life--as soon as they lose there money - want to be special quick" -- @johncusak

Jimmy Kimmel Toasts Kanye West on Twitter

Christina Applegate: "I am loving the banter between @jimmykimmel and Kanye west..Although I'm not sure Kanye is in on it..." -- @1capplegate
--
Is Kanye West too easy a target for witty Jimmy? Based on these hilarious tweets, we say - who cares?!
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Kanye West: Vintage Hermes travel bags are tight yo!!! http://twitpic.com/29rqdt
Jimmy Kimmel: My grandma used to say the same thing. RT @kanyewest Vintage Hermes travel bags are tight yo!!! http://twitpic.com/29rqdt

Kanye West: THOUGHTS IS NAPOLEON http://twitpic.com/29sdqh
Jimmy Kimmel: OK, now I'm a little bit confused. @kanyewest THOUGHTS IS NAPOLEON http://twitpic.com/29sdqh

Kanye West: Sipping Molnar Family Poseidin's Vineyard Chardonnay in middle of the day out of gold cups for whatever that's worth
Jimmy Kimmel: same here.RT @kanyewest Sipping Molnar Family Poseidin's Vineyard Chardonnay in middle of the day out of gold cups for whatever that's worth

Kanye West: Suits is an expensive addiction
Jimmy Kimmel: I know. They really is. RT @kanyewest Suits is an expensive addiction

Kanye West: Clothes are my drug
Jimmy Kimmel: that explains these tweets - you're high on pants RT @kanyewest Clothes are my drug

Kanye West: Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on
Jimmy Kimmel: That's why my butler laminated mine. Now I sleep like the worlds most obnoxious baby RT @kanyewest Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on

Lisa Rinna: This Sounds Unfair to Nature

"I think I'll go for a nude paddle shake it up a bit Playboy for the bears lol!" -- @lisarinna

Dan Harmon: Trying to Make Glee Turn That Smile Upside Down

2 part question for the Glee panel. What do you consider your primary weakness, and how might an enemy exploit it?

It's all going according to plan. RT @HitFixDaniel Second half of "Glee" the season will include an episode of original songs.

--@danharmon

Joel McHale: Wait, What's in the Brief Case?

Confession: I still don't understands the rules of Deal or No Deal. --@JoelMcHale

Andrew WK: Cancel the Show, We Found the Next Food Network Top Chef

PARTY MEAL: Malted milk balls w/ diced Reese's cups in cream, and a buttermilk biscuit w/ chili-butter on the side. --@AndrewWK

Weird Al: Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week

"Why can't we have this much love and understanding for sharks all year round? #SharkWeek" -- @alyankovic

Ben Stiller: Change We Can Believe In

"I am now following @kanyewest. Looking forward to how my life will change." -- @redhourben

Pamela Anderson: A Summer Poem

"Almost to the gulf. Dog days of summer... The doggies are waiting. I want to get there before it gets too hot. So we can run around ..:)" -- @pameladanderson

Danny DeVito: Should Maybe Write a Daily Calendar?

"Holy Shitballs! It's August 2nd!" -- @danny_devito

John Mayer: A Stadium the Ladies Will Love

I wonder how much money it costs to get my name on an arena. I want to play the Horsehung Awesome Listener Center. --@JohncMayer

Justin Bieber: Mom, Can You Drive Me to This Orgy I Set Up Via Twitter?

hello girls...i think we should all hang out very soon....all of us...together....often. ;)
--@justinbieber

J Woww: Shore Friends Through Thick and Thin

Going to bail @Sn00ki out of jail... The things I do for this girl I swear. --@JenniWoww

Snooki: Bringing the Shore to DC

@whitehouse President Obama...love to tan in the rose garden :) ...I'll teach you how to fits pump! --@Sn00ki

Conan O'Brien: Because Really Any Good Democracy Should Run on GTL

The President of the United States doesn't know who Snooki is. Our great empire continues to crumble. --@ConanOBrien

Jon Gosselin: Auditioning for Weatherman

Just heard some crazy loud thunder for the past hour. Typical PA thunderstorm! Unfortunately the humidity is coming back :(--@jongosselin

Katie Couric: You're Never too Old to Awkwardly Watch a Movie With Your Parents

Wtchd Disclosure w/my rents. Forgot the line: "company thought it was going to bed w/katie couric but woke up w jessica hahn!" Yikes

Btw wld not recommend it for father/mother/daughter viewing. Too racy! Made them close their eyes...funny role reversal!

--@KatieCouric

Thomas Lennon: Has Yet To Reach His Hopes and Dreams

Just ran into myself from 1983. He was pretty bummed that I haven't boned Christy Brinkley in a Ferrari yet. --@ThomasLennon

Mindy Kaling: Screw Those Crazy Star Wars

The Toy Story trilogy beats all trilogies. --@mindykaling

Courtney Love: On the Inspiration Track

had one of the best meetings ever yesterday, it was so great to be recieved as i am to hear words like porn to my ears "stability" "patience

@tonyrobbins im looking the next phase of my world square in the eyes, i really need your mentoring right now, universe is telling me to go,

--@CourtneyLoveUK

Bob Saget: Has a New Pool Boy

Tough morning at my house today. There was a rat in my pool... http://tweetphoto.com/35813457


--@bobsaget

Kayne West: Needs to Fire His Decorator

Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on --@KayneWest

Doug Benson: Uncertain Spoiler Alert

Not sure what happened at the end of INCEPTION, but I'm pretty sure Tony Soprano got whacked. --@DougBenson