Danny DeVito: Inspired by Lisa Frank Stickers?

"White horse your power etched against the horizon nowhere near the beating of my heart. Say hallelujah and rest in the Tao TF" -- @Danny_DeVito

Don't pretend you didn't have these joints back in the day...

Reba McEntire: He's Just That Into Her

"Did I mention Jimmy Fallon and I r big buds now??? Great time on his show last nite! He said he loves, loves, loves, loves, loves me!!!" -- @reba

John Mayer: If You Hear He's Pregnant...

"This is the part in a line of interviews where I want to start making answers up. So if you read that I breed alpacas, go with it." -- @johncmayer

Carrie Fisher: The Cup Is Kinda Full

"though life is far from a bed of roses thru which one lethargically loiters, it never the less is more savory than a bed composed of goiters" -- @carrieffisher

Andrew WK: The Cats Are Barking

"PARTY TIP: Today it's time to FLIP IT! If you're vegetarian, eat some meat. If you're omnivore, eat only fruit + veg." -- @andrewWK

Aubrey O'Day: Has a Spoon Full of Sugar

"Everyone is sick in my house today, so its my turn to play nurse... or candy striper, everyone loves candy!" -- @AubreyODay

Alyssa Milano: Change Yankees Fans Can Believe In

"Last 9 Yankees Titles - JFK (1961, 1962), Carter (1977, 1978) Clinton (1996, 1998, 1999, 2000) Obama (2009)" -- @Alyssa_Milano

Shaq: Words to Your Mutha

"This is a great one @THE_REAL_SHAQ Yo momma so dumb she stayed in all night to study for her blood test" -- @THE_REAL_SHAQ

Larry King: Finally Makes It to the Big Time

"Here's my Sesame Street appearance -- interviewing the letter W. http://tinyurl.com/ycemaen" -- @kingsthings

Solange Knowles: Intoxicates the Men

"And the old drunk homeless guy at gas station told me in a nice slurred voice "u finnne as wine"" -- @solangeknowles

Mike Tyson: Introduced a New Word Into My Vocabulary

"scatologicaly speaking, i can kick the shit out of any man alive" -- @_miketyson_

And now, the definition for scatological - which you probably will not find on the SATs.

Chelsea Handler: Watch Out - She Bites

"Kristen Stewart keeps complaining she doesn't want to be famous...somebody tell her I don't want her to be famous either" -- @ChelseaLately

Sandra Bernhard: Not to Mention That Darling Nancy Bartlett Character...

"why was the roseanne show so great? because it didn't need a gimmick like a mother who turns tricks and sells cupcakes or some dumb shit" -- @SandraBerhard

Sarah Silverman: Wants to Get in Your Wallet

"All I want in life is to have had good friendships & to have gotten my face on money. The simple things (Please no Pesos!)" -- @SarahKSilverman

Bill Cosby: Theo or Rudy, For Example

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." -- @BillCosby

Michael Ian Black: He Lied About Santa, Too

"My son is reading this over my shoulder. Hey busybody, I'm not your real dad." -- @michaelianblack

Christina Applegate: Doesn't Want to See What's Behind Door #3

"I just found myself yelling "don't make the deal" watching Let's make a deal. I think I need to get out more!" -- @1capplegate

Ricky Martin: Or, What You Get Watching Fox News for 20 Minutes

"the real 7 deadly sins- apathy,cruelty,duplicity,hypocrisy,false morality,abuse of power,culivated ignorance" -- @ricky_martin

Russell Simmons: I Wouldn't Pay $12 to Watch This Crap

"Some yogis say Lifes a movie. Seperate yourself from the anxiety and suffering .. Become "the watcher"Enjoy the flick" -- @uncleRUSH

Ludacris: Writing the Modern Book of Etiquette

"BOSQ: Have you ever rolled over in the morning after having sex & forgot the persons name? If so, how do u handle it? Explain" -- @ludajuice

Chris Kattan: What You Gonna Do When CNN Comes for You?

"I love how 60 Minutes is busting the corrupt medical industry in America. I haven't been this excited since the first season of COPS!" -- @ChrisKattan

Rainn Wilson: Those Rubbers Will Never Get You Laid

"Does 'crocs' make a condom?" -- @rainnwilson

Rose McGowan: Whatever! Whatever! He Does What He Waaaants!

"Do u think,after a long day's work, Maury Povich goes home &says to himself "yeah, i KILLED it today w/those 'are u my daddy' DNA tests!" ?" -- @rosemcgowan

See Cartman do what he wants on Maury.

Ice-T: They Relate to His Humble Nature

"Daily Game: "A true player must possess a raw sense of sexuality that would put a Nun's morality to the test over long exposure." Ice T" -- @FINALLEVEL

Sherri Shepherd: Needs to Stay Out of the Ring

Crazy day today... my head hurts. I hit it while wrestling with Jeffrey... got a massive headache. That's what I get for playing rough --@SherriEShepherd

Kirstie Alley: Doesn't Want to Leave Her Car for Her Next Lift

I wouldn't mind a DRIVE THROUGH face lift place..how about you? --@KirstieAlley

Dolly Parton: Baby Got Back Pain

"Aahhh chiropractor... Hurts so good :-) you lug these around and see if your back don't hurt!" -- @Dolly_Parton

Suze Orman: How Rich People Have Fun

"NOVEMBER 3rd IS THE DAY_ SEE ME BEING A WAITRESS- WATCH THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW_ TONS OF FUN. I HAVE A WAITRESS UNIFORM ON_ LEGS SHOWING EEK" -- @SuzeOrmanShow

Tila Tequila: Should Hide Her Passwords From Her Alter Egos...

"I told u once and Im not gonna tell u again....TILA IS NOT HERE! THIS IS JANE! SO FUCK OFF!" -- @OfficialTila

Jessica Simpson: Might Want to Throw Away Those Grapes - They're a Little Sour...

"CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press" -- @Jessicasimpson

Ben Stiller: And When You Lose, You're All Washed Up

"No real way to look cool bobbing for apples at all. Even when you win, you lose." -- @RedHourBen

Lindsay Lohan: Has Plenty to Laugh About

"@tothbea it's amazing, one minute i'm dumped, the next i'm dating a model, now gerard? WHO HAS THE TIME! such lies -it keeps me laughing :)" -- @lindsaylohan

Bridget Marquardt: Hef Never Saw This Coming

"RT @NOH8Campaign: http://twitpic.com/nzjtd - The lovely @hollymadison123 and @bunnybridget getting married! Adorable!!! #NOH8" -- @bunnybridget

Joel McHale: Might Want to Get Tested

Wow. Where have I been? --@joelmchale

Ashely Olsen and Soulja Boy: Reach Out and Touch Them

"You can now send me lovely messages, by calling my SayNow number! 1 (213) 784-3523" -- @IAMAshleyOlsen

"my sidekick is back on deck :) souljaboytellem@tmail.com" -- @souljaboytellem

John Mayer: Siezes the Day

"To the "one piece of candy a day" people who still have Halloween treats on Thanksgiving, I just don't understand your kind." -- @johncmayer

Tyra Banks: Pops It Likes It's Hot

"November is Pop Your Collar month on www.tyrabanks.com. Check out my fashion-y pimpin' outfit on the cover! How do ya'll pop your collar?" -- @tyrabanks

Jewel: And Now for a Very Important Public Service Announcement

"Man camel-toe in white spandex hot pants "swin suit" not a good look- in case there was any doubt out there" -- @jeweljk

Carrie Fisher: On Scout Masters' Most Wanted List

I'm about to film my segment on Jimmy Fallon- my dressing room is like a whore house for boyscouts complete w/ cupcakes. --@CarrieFFisher

See Carrie Fisher LIVE! In 'Wishful Drinking'

Cesar Millan: Wants Your Entire Family Enlisted

Enlist your whole family in bringing a new dog home. Discuss what their responsibilities will be before the puppy or dog arrives. --@cesarmillan

If you haven't watched episodes of The Dog Whisperer, check them out at Hulu.
Warning: It's oddly addictive.

Martha Stewart: Prison Life Becomes Her

"http://twitpic.com/nv7c1 - I freaked out a few people last night when I wore this to dinner" -- @MarthaStewart

Bill Cosby: What About a Wise Ass?

"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice." -- @BillCosby

Penn Jillette: The Equation for Slutty

Halloween at P&T had a loud, rowdy audience without enough slutty outfits. Loud & rowdy is at least supposed to get you lots of slutty. --@pennjillette

Mindy Kaling: Way Better Posing Advice Than "Smize"

Girls! Tonight it might seem sexy and mysterious to pose as Charlie's Angels in pictures but it has the exact opposite effect! --@mindykaling

Don't know Mindy? Get to know her!

Ellen DeGeneres: A Great Gamer

Bobbing for apple-flavored vodka is a perfectly acceptable Halloween party game, right? --@TheEllenShow